Babbeling about thoughts

I'm going to write this here because I want to get it out, but I don't want everyone to see this, and I know how many people see my blog on an average basis. It's not many haha.


I just want to say, I'm really happy at the moment... kind of scared shitless that it's going to end the same way it normally does, but really freaking happy. I haven't felt like this in a very long time, I'm not going to go as far as saying "My life now has purpose" though, because it still doesn't, but I have an even bigger reason not to just one day stop existing... Yeah, I'm aware of how selfish suicide is, but when you feel really unwanted and at the same time annoyed by everything, you just kind of want to just stop feeling anything, plus being rejected from every job you've previously applied for numerous times really gets to you because you feel even more unwanted, as well as useless... I mean, it's really nice sleeping in, but when you don't have a real purpose to wake up, why do so?

And don't think to me that the purpose of waking up when you're jobless is to go out and find a job. It isn't. Fuck you. ~grump~

But don't think that this post is about me being upset and wanting horrible things to happen to myself, while I am feeling a little under the weather at the moment, I am actually feeling really amazingly happy, just because I've found two things that I believed would never happen again*, plus I found something extra that I wasn't even remotely expecting! I'VE GOT NEW FRIENDS! People that find me appealing always make me really happy because I'm always second guessing myself and believe that I'm not interesting, so these two months (October and November) have been really amazing, and just plain wonderful.

*A kickarse girlfriend, and a sweet job that pays decently

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